My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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