Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just want to make out with him forever
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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