where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
