I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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