Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
