were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
