Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
