I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
