I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
