I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
