So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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