Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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