There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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