dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
