and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
