is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
