I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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