she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
