JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
