We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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