You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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