is your mom at the bar?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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