Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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