it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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