Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
did i walk over a car last night?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
