you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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