what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
