I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
