i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
