My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
