ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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