we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need to calm my uterus...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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