i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
