i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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