Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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