I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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