I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
