Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
