Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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