Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
