she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I fill condoms, not promises.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
