3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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