I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
