I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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