He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
