I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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