I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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