Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
