Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
