According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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