ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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