babies were throwing up all over the place
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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