Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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