one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
