hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
