Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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