True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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