You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
