Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
