please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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